


Perfect

by Aryagraceling



Series: Catharsis [26]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Anxiety, Comfort/Angst, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-07-29 06:08:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20077417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aryagraceling/pseuds/Aryagraceling
Summary: He needs to be better for Zabuza, because Zabuza deserves perfection.





	Perfect

Haku never complains, no matter what Zabuza asks him to do. It is both his greatest strength and greatest weakness. He can be laying in bed, sick as a dog, and will get up at Zabuza’s request with nothing more than an “I’m all right” and a soft smile. He can be utterly spent, with barely the energy to keep his eyes open, and will get up with that same smile and speak those same words. He can be beaten, bruised, bloodied on the ground and yet, by some act of god, get up and soldier on if Zabuza only asks. ****

He hopes Zabuza knows how much being hopelessly devoted costs him. To serve the Demon is to serve the face of bloodlust itself, but doing so with a smile has been his purpose ever since that demon took pity on him. Haku takes great pride in knowing that it’s him who Zabuza trusts, him alone who Zabuza allows to see his entire self.

What a beautiful self that is.

Sometimes Haku allows his mind to wander to places he knows it shouldn’t. When he’s sleeping at the foot of Zabuza’s bed, he thinks that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to sleep next to his master. Maybe he could touch the bared skin of Zabuza’s cheeks, light enough to not wake him but enough that for once, he’d feel a bit more connected. 

Today, his muscles scream for mercy as they’re assaulted by the freezing water of a northern lake. He doesn’t think of warming Zabuza’s bed now, he only thinks of being warm. _Focus, _he can hear Zabuza growl. _You’re no use if you’re weak._

He is sitting on the shore with a towel, something Haku is grateful for. He can’t be entirely angry at being woken early for a frigid swim if Zabuza is waiting for him. It’s training, after all, since his parents were even more useless than he. 

Haku supposes he should get used to this. He _is _of Snow, after all, why shouldn’t he be able to heave himself onto the nearest patch of ice and be all right? All he needs is to improve, to be better for Zabuza. Each stroke, every stretch and pull of his muscles, sends shocks zapping through his nerves, so many he nearly misses Zabuza calling him back to shore. 

When he stumbles up onto the sand, nearly falling to his knees, Zabuza is _right there _and wrapping the coarse fabric around him. “Don’t freeze,” he says.

“I w-wouldn’t b-b-be able to s-suh-serve you then,” Haku chatters, nearly biting his tongue as his teeth clack. 

Something almost like pain flashes through Zabuza’s eyes as he begins to unwind the cloth from his face. “I suppose that’s right,” he says, stripping. “Keep watch.”

“Yes, sir.”

Haku is no fool. He knows he shouldn’t look at the way Zabuza’s muscles ripple like the water, nor should he look at the proud way his master holds his head before diving beneath the waves. The towel is still warm from Zabuza’s body and Haku _shudders _under it, gives himself up to the scent that lingers in the fabric.

Zabuza won’t know.

He musn’t, because his weapon cannot have a flaw.

By the time Zabuza’s finished, Haku is nearly falling asleep. Late nights, early mornings, and exercise beginning before the sun rose have done nothing but deplete him, and he hands Zabuza his own towel while trying not to look over at his body.

“Afraid or something?” Zabuza asks, almost snapping. “It’s a cock, not some delicate feminine flower or shit. You’ve got one too.” He sits heavily in the sand and leans over, crossing his arms on his knees. “You’re tired.”

It’s not a question, and Haku doesn’t quite know if he should agree or insist that he can go a little further today.

“I want to shape you, not kill you,” Zabuza says after a pause. “Come here.” He tilts his head toward his shoulder, more insistently when Haku hesitates. “_Here.”_

Haku scrambles the two feet over the sand to his side, a smile threatening to break through the carefully sculpted mask of apathy. He struggles against the urge to nuzzle into Zabuza’s shoulder, doesn’t want this to end any sooner than it has to. 

Zabuza smells of water and salt, as most Kiri shinobi do, but under that, there’s something darker. Deeper. Something _Zabuza. _Haku sniffs and pulls his legs up to his chest before wrapping his arms around himself. “Zabuza?” he asks softly.

“What?”

“Am I good?” Haku mumbles.

Zabuza doesn’t answer for a long time. Eventually the silence comes to a point where Haku regrets asking, but then he says, “Yeah.”

“I’m sorry I’m not better.” Haku slumps against Zabuza’s arm, gravity becoming too forceful as he sinks slowly to the sand. To his surprise, Zabuza catches him before his head hits the ground and pulls him into his lap. “I can be stronger in a minute, I promise,” he whispers. “I just need to get my feet under me. We can run back, or I c–”

“Shut up,” Zabuza says, but there’s none of the usual malice as he sets a hand on Haku’s hair and smooths a thumb over his forehead. “I said you’re good, all right? Fuck.”

_But not perfect, _Haku wants to say. _That will only come in time._

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments always read and _very_ much appreciated, and I always do my best to get back to them ❤️
> 
> You can also find me lurking and yelling about fictional characters on:  
[Twitter](https://www.twitter.com/aryagraceling)  
[Discord](https://discord.gg/cM8FaND)  
[Tumblr](https://aryagraceling.tumblr.com)  
[Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/groups/601270063618951)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Perfect - Aryagraceling [PODFIC]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21328285) by [enby0angel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/enby0angel/pseuds/enby0angel)


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